I wanted to expand a little on each “team” in my Stuttering Discomfort tournament. Then we’ll get going on head-to-head matchups over the next few days. It’s important for me to list what the basis is for each of them …
So here we go for Phone and Audiences:
- Cold-calling a senior person at a company – this requires all sorts of painful things — introducing myself, quickly explaining why I’m calling, and then answering some unknown questions. And then if I don’t plan it well enough, having to face the reality that I’ve forgotten to ask something, and I can’t very well call again.
- Making an urgent phone call – I had to make a phone call after getting into a car accident, and it was a miserable, stutter-filled mess. There’s a call to a complete stranger, having to quickly give information that you may or may not know (where you are, what’s happened, what do you need). Then there’s having to call a loved one, and that’s nervous because you want it to be quick in case someone is trying to call you back from the other calls you made.
- Calling in a food order to a busy, noisy place – phone calls are bad enough, but now it’s having to speak louder and more slowly. And the feeling that they’re under pressure to hear you and are in a hurry. Sure I could do things on my own damn pace, but then they might hang up. Also, whenever I call, it’s for a real custom order. I can’t mix and match words to fluenticate (ha!) the situation.
- “Going around the room” on a conference call – the phone again, and this time with the added hell of the in-person introductions. But instead of having all the eyes on you, everybody’s listening and if you take too long, someone will ask if you’re still there. Of course you are, but you’re out of air, so you can’t even whimper out a “yes.”
- Phone interviews – prepare, prepare, prepare. And then they approach it in a totally unpredictable way. The only way this gets better is by doing a ton of them. But that means living through a lot of awkward pauses and stutters.
- Cold-calling a business to ask them detailed questions – just another reason to turn me to the internet. But of course if I want a bike part this afternoon, calling the local bike shop is the only way. And then I have to introduce myself. Right? No? Then explain what I need. How much do I explain? Am I wasting their time? Are they busy? Wait, what did I need again? Crap, what time are they open until? I can find that out online, nevermind.
- Ordering a new service (i.e. cable, new gym, etc.) – the same information, again and again. Things I can’t skip out of. Name, address, phone number. Credit card number. And then wanting to ask some detailed question but not wanting to bother because I’m already exhausted and out of breath.
- Speaking to parents of your students (if you work with students) – a close stuttering friend offered this up, and I can only imagine how stressful it’d be. Especially considering how much detail you want to explain. And then feeling that maybe they’d like to ask you something but then don’t bother because they don’t want to hear you stutter any more.
- Being asked to make a speech on the spot (including introduction) – Ah, yes, introducing myself. So not only do I stutter through my name and role at the company, but now you’re asking me to do something unrehearsed. At least with a take or two I’d be somewhat smoother. But nope.
- Giving a wedding speech – I might feel more comfortable surrounded by family and friends, but this is all on tape. And I hate hearing or seeing myself recorded. And in 15 years, helping the bride and groom clean up after a party late and night hearing the bride say something like, “oh, I still remember that speech you gave … it was just so … honest…”
- Reading religious text aloud at a service (church/mosque/temple) – tied to the above. All eyes on me for someone else’s moment that will live forever. And no other words to choose from! At least I could rehearse it a few times and practice breathing. And then forget the breathing when I see all those eyes …
- Meeting and speaking in front of the family of your partner – ah yes, high pressure small talk. I can rehash a bunch of old stories, but aren’t I supposed to come across as funny and interesting? That’s how I was advertised, right?
- Fielding questions from a group – I have no idea what you people want! I want to do the right thing and have a nice long think and give you a beautiful, well-thought out and eloquent answer. But that would require me not avoiding about two dozen words. Maybe I could e-mail y’all instead?
- Presenting at work – Not the most fun, but at least I can practice a few times and get a lot more familiar with the material. I can even set up the powerpoint so that it has way too many words on it and everybody can just read!
- Running a meeting at work – Not at all difficult, right? I put out the agenda, and then prompt others for updates. But still if I’ve got something to talk about it may get a little tricky. Thankfully it’s all internal, so I’m at least familiar with the crowd.
- Responding when called on directly in front of a group (class, meeting) – Well, sure, there’s a debate here of, should I stutter through the actual answer, or just say I’m not sure and let them call on someone else?