It’s been a while now since I thought a lot about stuttering. And I think it’s been even longer that I’ve noticed it in my speech. I’d say my fluency has been relatively high lately. To the point where a casual observer would say I don’t stutter. I’m not avoiding, I’m not staying quiet, I’m just feeling good, and that’s helping with my confidence and thus my speech.

I’m sure I am stuttering a little bit here and there. Stumbling on words, but now it doesn’t sound any different than what my fluent friends put forth.

So the other day I was on a call for work, and I got stuck. Hard. And had to really stutter through it. It totally caught me off guard. I’m past the point of dwelling on these things for very long, but wow, it was pretty jarring. In my mind I hadn’t been stuttering for weeks, and here I was again, reminded that this will never go away.

I don’t think it was anything specific with the content or the environment. I think, as we all know, it just … happens. When it happens. We don’t get to decide.

What I wanted to think more about is why have I felt so good lately? I think it’s definitely getting into a nice groove at work, spending a lot more time with family (I am working from home most of the week) and having the summer with my family to look forward to. Finances are sound, and there aren’t any external worries weighing down on me.

Now I need to work on keeping this going. It feels good. It sounds good. It builds and builds. Yes, there are minor road bumps, but it’s pretty great. I’m wondering though as things open up, what will it be like to interact with others more. People who I haven’t seen in months. New neighbors (I moved into this house at the start of the lockdowns). Making small talk. Giving life updates on the past 12 months in a few minutes without sounding boring or blathering.