Action for Stammering Children Day 5

Alright, so today is the last day of commenting on the Action for Stuttering Children’s tweets. You can read what I wrote about on Day 1Day 2, Day 3, and Day 4.

Today’s post is  “Can you really read other peoples’ minds? Do you really know what other people think about your speech? Try to relax and go with the flow.”

So I really like this one. Quite brilliant, really. And here’s why — think about … what you think about other people when they’re talking. Are you really even paying attention? You hear bits and pieces here and there, right? I mean, if you’re at lunch, making some small talk with coworkers, what are you really thinking about? You listen for a bit, you think about the meeting you have coming up. Or what’s due tomorrow. Or your dinner date that evening. Or your weekend plans. Isn’t your credit card bill due? Is this Friday payday? What time is that thing for my kids tomorrow?

Just as you’re thinking about other things while your friends are talking, so are they. They hear you. They hear the stuttering. They might hear what you’re saying. But they’re also spacing out. Trust me. And we shouldn’t be bothered by it. And we should also shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves, either. There’s an enormous pressure on those of us who stutter to be perfect — because that’s what we always see on tv, at work, and at home or with friends. But it’s not necessary. But speaking is just one part of life. And we just so happen not to be perfect at it. So?

I wrote a while ago about first impressions, and I think it’s really relevant here, too. (almost a year ago to the day!)

I think this idea of a first impression being so important is a bunch of crap. Try this out — what do you remember about the first time you met your best friend? You know, the one who you’ve been friends with since you were like, 12? The one you met in English class who you still talk to every day? The one who doesn’t care what you look like because they can just as easily open up the high school yearbook for a few laughs?

Do you remember that first encounter? No? I didn’t think so.

I’ve also noticed that as I tell more and more of my close friends about stuttering, I get sort of the same reaction — you stutter? I never noticed. Some even say, yeah, but it never seems to bother you. Does it?

I’m not saying at all that stuttering doesn’t bother me. Or that it shouldn’t bother you. But it should bother us less and less as time goes on. As we make more positive connections between stuttering, saying what we want, and having neutral or positive experiences. And that all comes from realizing that we are our harshest critic. That our friends are our friends because they support us. And that strangers who hear you stutter aren’t going to jump down your throat about it and then spend the rest of their week telling the whole word how strange you sounded while ordering coffee.

Action for Stammering Children Day 3

Been going through some tweets from the Action for Stammering Children. Here’s a link to the First day and Second day.

Today’s post is  “Take your time and speak a bit more slowly. Pause and take some time to think before you start to speak.”

I find that as I get older, I definitely do this more and more. If nothing else, it’s to just take the time to take a breath. Maybe a long, deep breath. And this sounds strange, but I then try to focus on the middle of my first sentence. What I’m going to say — not how I’m going to start to say it. Sometimes this works, and the opening bit of the sentence comes out more easily.

It’s a fine line when you’re speaking slowly, though. Especially if you’re covert — all you’re really doing is scanning ahead for words to avoid. On the other hand, I find that if I can string a few words that I actually want to say (through better breathing and pacing) my confidence grows and so does the momentum of my speaking.

I’ve also found that if you actually stop to think and pause between sentences, you can really gather your thoughts and make sure you’re heading in the right direction. There’s nothing worse than getting completely off track and stuttering while doing so — it just means you’ll have to stop, correct yourself and explain what you really meant. And by that time, you’re flushed with anxiety and want to start speaking faster. And then it all breaks down quickly.

If you get a chance, try to notice how you pace your speaking when you’re talking to colleagues or even strangers versus close friends. With strangers, I’m usually a bit more tense, a bit more hurried, my shoulders are hunched up, and I’m not really thinking about what I’m saying. More of how it sounds coming out, and what I have to say next.

With close friends, think of a time in a coffee shop, or in the living room late in the evening. Quiet, relaxed. Your pacing is probably slower, you’re listening more, you’re not as worried about how you sound, but what you’re saying. That’s the kind of pacing we should all try to do with everybody.

Stuttering Awareness Day

Well, here we are, October 22nd, Stuttering Awareness Day!

Obviously the best I can do right now is a nice big link roundup. So here we go:

From Diary of a Stutterer, a post on Oct 22 and reflecting on how things have changed with regards to his views on stuttering. Love this article. It really parallels what I have been going through as well with my own stuttering over the past few years.

Thankfully, since then, I have learned of a method that has helped me get to where I am today. It’s not a magic pill, nor is it a special way of breathing or speaking or even standing! What has given me the strength and courage to accept my stutter is nothing more than self-reflection.

Pam from Make Room for the Stuttering writes about Purpose. Again, a lot of what I am hoping for myself as well — to spread the word and educate others. I know I could be doing better at it, but slowly with enough posts and thoughts on this blog, I’ll get there.

I learned about purpose after hearing parents tell me how happy they were that I had come to the conference and shared myself and stories with them. For the first time in many years, I realized that my stuttering could be bigger than just me. That I could use it to spread the word and educate others about stuttering, if I dared.

From Stuttering Story, Jaymie recalls a phone/work situation and getting laughed at.

It took me awhile to recover. I still don’t know how to handle these situations. If she had made a comment, like many people do, I could have inserted that what she heard was a stutter. Comments like, “Did you forget your name?” or “Did you forget what you were going to say?” can be answered with, “Actually, I have a stutter” or something of the like. Small chuckles can be ignored, if you want. But roaring laughter? What the heck is a person who stutters to do?!

From the Michael Palin Centre for Stammering Children (MPC) in London, a nice article about Oct 22 and background on stuttering that you can share with family and friends.

This awareness raising week comes at an important time. In recent years we have found that while there are centres of excellence like the Michael Palin Centre and the City Lit, NHS provision for speech and language therapy for children and adults who stammer is increasingly under threat. For example, 16 out of 34 London NHS Trusts no longer offer speech therapy for adults who stammer. One Trust no longer offers stammering therapy for children over the age of six, another for children at secondary school-age.

Here’s a Daily Mail Article about a woman who was let go because she couldn’t speak on the phone. She’s been able to get speech therapy as well as support from a group.

By her early 30s, Ms Dolan found it impossible to contribute to meetings at work and was embarrassed by her regular stammering when she introduced herself.

Here’s a lovely article about a hefty donation for the Institute for Stuttering and Research (ISTAR).

“I feel like all of that money is going to help people that need it,” Pearse said. “I know what they can do and I know other people need to experience that too.”

Research being done on mice and stuttering.

Using these parameters to evaluate mouse vocalizations, researchers were able to identify stuttering mice over a 3.5-minute period. As expected, the mice carrying the mutated gene had far fewer vocalizations, with longer gaps between “speech” compared with their unmodified littermates—Gnptab mutant mice had about 80 vocalizations compared with 190 in the nonmutant mice.

And how awesome is this — using Skype to provide speech therapy in Africa. Florida Atlantic University is the first to do so.

“The treatment is perfect for me and helping me to improve my speech,” said Francois, a 35 year old currently receiving therapy. “It’s also easy to take part in since I don’t need to move. We are using Skype video calls and sharing documents through email.”

Been falling behind in finding new voices on the Internet with regards to stuttering. But here is one, A Wishing Well of Wonder.

I’ve been stuttering since I was 10 years old. Some days I can barely get a few phrases out without stumbling over every one and some days I barely stutter at all. I don’t believe there’s a single day in which I’ve never stuttered.

An 8-Year-Old’s Essay

If you haven’t seen this, go read it now, it’s wonderful. I never thought to articulate my stutter at such a young age, and this kid does it so well. And I can totally relate — I read a ton when I was young.

A brain pond is like a normal pond except there are no fish, there are only words instead. The pond in Bella’s head is very cramped, because she reads a lot.

Stuttering Link Roundup

A nice big link roundup for Stuttering Awareness Week. Plenty to comment on for the next few days as well.

From the Stuttering Foundation:

Stuttering Awareness Week begins May 11, 2015, and offers an opportunity to focus public attention on a complex disorder that touches 70 million people around the world and more than three million in the U.S. alone.

I like the idea of making t-shirts, actually …

Scroobius Pip and the benefits of a stutter

Pip’s raps include references to his stutter. The song 1000 Words is about how he stood out when growing up. His lyrics, however, show he has always had a positive view of his speech impediment: “Sure, broken stammers of a youth can kind of bring some attention, but the sympathy of a teacher can get you out of detention”.

An article from William Browning, the managing editor of The Dispatch, a Mississippi newspaper.

In short, acceptance is the goal. I am not there, yet. In the company of loved ones my stutter does not trigger an undertow of negativity. In professional settings, though, a stuttering moment has the ability to freeze my marrow. I want to take that power away from my stutter. Unleash the balloon, as it were.

By now you’ve all seen this one about Tiger writing a letter to a kid who was getting bullied by his stutter. Here’s the original article from Golf Digest:

That Tiger responded so quickly was the act of not only someone who knew taunting when he was a child — both because of his stutter and his race — but it was also the act of a father of two who understands how we need to protect our children.

From HuffPo, Stuttering is nobody’s fault. Another great article from Katherine Preston, commenting on the BBC article linked above about Scroobius Pip. I used to think for a long time that my stuttering was somehow karma-related or even from routine childhood falls and bumps and whatever else. Not so much!

These are the facts: stuttering is not caused by psychological trauma, unsupportive parenting or mental neurosis. Rather, stuttering is a genetically influenced, neurological condition.

An article from a Pakistani living in Sweden.

There seems to be no habitual behaviour associated with my stammer. This also goes to show that much of my impediment is uncontrollable. Also, at the same time, just like how people have bad hair days, stutterers also have bad days and good days and sometimes fluent days. According to my experience, stutterers can communicate effectively but they cannot communicate fluently.

The last thought he has in the article is perfect — I go through the exact same thing every time I’m at Subway.

From the American institute of Stuttering — on why we should accept our stuttering.

When people accept their stuttering, they enter situations and use words they might normally avoid. They are willing to tell others that they stutter, and are open to letting others see and hear instances of stuttering without shame or embarrassment. They communicate effectively and also happen to stutter.

Stuttering Favorites

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of this blog. So I thought I’d take a look back at the year and my favorite posts. The other benefit is that I can update a few of them over the next few weeks …

Covert and Overt Stuttering — Transitioning from covert to overt was a big deal, and it’s not done yet. But I’m making progress every time I say what I want to say and not just what I can say.

Conference Calls — they’ve gotten much better already in the new job — I know most of the people on them, and they’re patient anyway. But it’s crazy how your mind works when the mute button goes on and off.

Summing Up a Day of Stuttering — a long thought exercise — something for those of you who know someone who stutters. This is what life is like. And this is what those of us who stutter go through to make ourselves feel normal.

My Kind of Stuttering — My early exposure (before the NSA Conference) to people who stuttered was very minimal. Almost nonexistent. So it was interesting to see that stuttering has variety of faces (and sounds … or not) and I do some and not others.

I’m Telling You That You Can’t Do That Job — Message boards, Facebook, wherever else — there’s a lot of negativity about what people who stutter can do. If you put in the effort and do the work, you can make a major change. And if you’re young and undecided, you still have every opportunity open to you. There’s no time for haters.

Meeting the Stuttering Brain — this capped off my Stuttering Vacation that included the 2014 NSA Conference. Tom Weidig and I talked about stuttering, and he offered blunt advice that really resonated.

Stuttering Link Roundup – Part 2

Here are some more stuttering links — stories and articles. I need to figure out a better workflow to capture all the articles that I’m reading via Twitter links. I’ve been thinking about using One Note for organizing my thoughts. I tried Evernote for a while, but it didn’t stick. Might give it another go. Most of my Twitter viewing is done on the phone. I just need to be able to copy and paste to a longer list … Anyway! Here you go, please enjoy.

Here’s a nice “what I stuttered on lately” story about a recent travel experience and the use of voluntary stuttering. I like the encounter-by-encounter review as well as analysis of words.

In other words, move from EASY to difficult words, situations etc. Secondly, in the process, sometimes you will lose all control and stammer even more just because you are trying to change an old habit based on decades of fear and “running away”.. This is OK and only to be expected. This has to be used as an occasion to practice and strengthen your “acceptance muscle”- not to get disheartened.

Lots of good stuff in this story from Pam — speaking loudly and projecting, being comfortable, and knowing to move on.

Today, I had a big group that was touring. I make a 15 minute presentation at the start of the visit and then take questions as we walk around on the tour. Sometimes, I find myself very fluent when giving these presentations, as I have to project my voice to a big group and that really helps with my control.

Here’s a nice writeup about children, learning to speak, and stuttering. As someone who has three small kids, I know it’s difficult at times to always understand what they’re trying to say. But because of my own stuttering, I know I’m a lot more patient with them. I’ve also noticed I pay a lot of attention to their message and how they’re saying it. It’s been interesting to “hear” them grow up. But as the article mentions, focus your questions/comments to the child about the message, not how it’s conveyed.

I have seen many young children who struggle to talk. It’s important to note that many children who attempt longer utterances (from one word to grammatical sentences) look like stutterers. Most of these speakers become fluent as they master this huge leap in complexity. But some children continue to struggle, and if they don’t get help, they can develop further problems, including over-awareness and fear of talking, avoidance of specific sounds they perceive as difficult, and secondary behaviors (“If I move my hand it will help me speak.”).

This is a pretty awesome infographic about stuttering.

And this on speech therapy and what it might be missing. I’m intrigued by this — particularly as we learn more and more about how our brains are wired.

Former sufferer Max Gattie feels current methods for dealing with stammering are too difficult and a more neurological therapy may be more beneficial. He said: “There’s a lot that can be done to improve therapy. They aren’t that great at the moment, they’re very difficult and they require continued work and that’s an area I’m doing research into. “There might be a solution in that you can get some neurological therapy. The idea would be that you would do some therapy that targets how the brain works.

Here’s a rather lengthy article from South Africa on stuttering. I’m curious about this research, though. The 85% figure seems really high. I think there’s definitely a misunderstanding of what stuttering is by employers.

Research in the US shows that 85% of employers consider that stuttering decreases employability and opportunities for promotion. Other surveys reveal that most PWS believe the way they speak reduces their chances of being hired or promoted. A number of PWS actually resist promotion because of their affliction. There is no reason to believe the situation is any different in SA.

This doesn’t have a direct stuttering reference to it, but it’s got me thinking — can some research be done with this and a group of people who stutter?

Many people have a fear of public speaking. But what if you could receive helpful cues from a private coach while speaking, unbeknownst to the public you’re addressing?

Julie Raynor, the co-founder and co-director of Camp Shout Out, has been named one of the 2014-15 National “LifeChanger of the Year” award winners.

She was selected from a pool of more than 600 teachers, administrators and other school employees spread out over all 50 states. The award recognizes people “who make a difference in the lives of students by exemplifying excellence, positive influence, and leadership”.

Here’s a book review for The Story of Alice: Lewis Carroll and the Secret History of Wonderland by Robert Douglas-Fairhurst. Lewis Carrol was someone who stutters. This makes me want to read the books now. There’s so much on my reading list …

Despite being hampered by a stammer that made him stall on certain letters while words “cracked apart” in his mouth, Carroll had an unblemished childhood. His stammer, Douglas-Fairhurst suggests, drew his attention to “what happens when imaginative freedom encounters formal restraint”.

Lastly, here’s some news about a stuttering group forming on a college campus. I regret not organizing something similar at Pitt. Or finding out if something was already in place.

“Holding support groups not only helps those who stutter, but is also a valuable experience for our future speech language-pathologists,” said Sawyer, who hopes that in the future, they will have more individuals from the Bloomington-Normal community who stutter attend the support groups.

Stuttering Link Roundup – Part 1

Finally after weeks and weeks and months and months (not really), here’s a link roundup in two parts.

This first is for blogs that are here on WordPress. They’re easier for me to find. I hope all of them continue to write about stuttering. We definitely need more voices and experiences.

http://iamvikesh.com/

I grew up thinking I was shy. In reality, I now realise that it wasn’t shyness but the fear of stuttering which caused me to keep my mouth shut in school, even when I knew the answer. At that first self help group meeting in November 2001, where I first spoke with others about stuttering, my eyes were opened and the wheels started turning in my head. I wasn’t the only one in the world who spoke like this, wow! It was an amazing feeling of empowerment.

https://krushybrushy.wordpress.com/

When I was at school, I was good at pretending that I didn’t have a stutter or that it won’t affect my life in any way. In reality it was different. The life of essays, coursework and exams didn’t require much human interaction to succeed…

https://hannahmariealison.wordpress.com/

As a child and teenager, I was depressed and very quiet. I didn’t say much because my stutter was so bad that I would come home from school mentally and physically exhausted because trying to do something so simple as to talk became a huge chore. Fast forward to today where I am a happy 24 year old engaged woman who is pursuing her dreams…

Smoothing out the posting schedule

In an effort to smooth things out a bit here, I think I ought to tell you what’s on the docket for this week. That’ll keep me honest with regards to posting.

1. That Huffington Post article about not finishing sentences. I wonder if those of us who stutter finish the sentences of fluent people? And what about when English isn’t the first language?

2. What does your perfect listener do? We all dread opening our mouths when it comes to talking to strangers, so what would you really like? Do you just want them to be patient, or do you want them to know more about stuttering itself?

3. How much do you consciously experiment with your stutter and speech? Do you do funny voices while alone? Speed things up? Slow things down? Does any of it help?

4. What I’m stuttering on lately

5. Link roundup! I’m getting way behind on this …

Looking back – 3, 6 and 9 months

I thought I’d take a quick look back at what was going on with my stuttering 3, 6 and 9 months ago.

Three months ago:

Stuttering Life Changes

What I can say is that based on some “lessons learned,” the first few weeks are going to be fraught with some fear and uncertainty. Meeting new people, learning a new process, and navigating a new city will all take me out of my comfort zone.

Yep, definitely lived up to the hype. But I’m trying to be more even-keeled about it since I know it’s happening. I’ve already noticed slight improvements in some meetings with my speech (and lousy speech in others, still).

Six months ago:

Your Stuttering Theories

Before the stutter, we imagine what horrible things are going to happen to us if we stutter and if we are found out. But that’s just a theory. And theories should be tested.

Ah yes, my talk with Dr. Weidig. I remember it well. And am still trying to live by his straightforward advice — you have a life-ending vision of what your stutter will do? Well, let’s find out if it’s really going to be that bad!

Nine months ago:

Tales of the Stuttering Ambush

The meeting gets started, and it’s just another staff meeting. Going through what work is happening now, and what work is coming up. Then the boss remembers, and …
“Oh, I almost forgot, we have a visitor from one of our offices. He’ll be here for two weeks doing …”

Ah yes, the ambush. Work, lunch, social events. Hasn’t happened to me at lunch recently, but it did happen during a meeting. I got put on the spot to explain some things on a presentation. I was a bit of a mess (understatement). I got through it though. I need to be better prepared, really.

%d bloggers like this: