Another installment in the Acceptance series. What I said during my talk:

I have accepted that there are tools and techniques to use when I feel like I’m having a bad day. That there are things that I can control. I take a deep breath before speaking. I speak more slowly. I prepare myself and rehearse what I need to say. I’ve accepted this because these are things that work for me, and I’ve seen people who are fluent do similar things before talking.

The thing about stuttering and how I feel about stuttering is that it’s … complicated. On the one hand I want people to accept me for the way that I sound and come across. And I’ve written about not being perfect. On the other hand, there are those days when I just want to be fluent. When I want to say what I want, exactly what I want, but not stumble or get stuck on my words.

It’s really a question of energy then. Do I want to spend my time trying to educate someone about stuttering and acceptance and patience, or do I want to spend energy on technique and breathing and preparation?

I think it’s still both for me. And that’s just where I am on my journey.

So I do use those tools and techniques. I use things that have worked before in the past, that are reliable and helpful. They help me reduce my overall stress when speaking. They allow me to speak on my own terms instead of being rushed. I’ve recently been changing the cadence of my speech as well, and that’s helped with fluency. I’m not sure how it’s coming across to others — or if they even notice — but it’s helping me in some ways.

Maybe in some ways these tools and techniques have made me a better speaker overall. There are people who don’t stutter at all who don’t work on their speaking. They fear public speaking and getting up in front of others. At least as someone who stutters I have these tools available and have used them frequently. So the fear of being in front of others is lessened, allowing me to focus on the content.

Let me know your thoughts. This one is tricky.