Stuttering and Searching

December 28, 2014 by

Things are going well here regarding the move within the Kingdom. Making progress, but it’s been a little rough, speech-wise.

What happens is that my company gives me a list of compounds with phone numbers and e-mail addresses. Some work, some don’t.

So what I’m left doing is driving to the compounds. This involves pulling up to the gate, and then … opening my mouth. And explaining what I need. It’s simple, really. To talk to the manager. Is he here? I need to ask about housing availability.

Yeah. Lots of words. To someone who doesn’t speak English as a first language. And from the inside of a car that’s several feet away from the gate. And sometimes there’s a random person standing nearby watching this all happen. And sometimes there’s a car behind me, itching to get in. Plenty of fun stresses to add up.

Since I drove around on a Saturday (weekends are Fri-Sat here) some managers were in, most were out. So I got a bunch of phone numbers to call (mobile numbers … more fun). I did talk to a few managers (or their lackeys) in person. Most of them said, no, we’re full right now. Thanks!

But I’m pushing through. Just sucking it up, stuttering, stammering, bumbling, stumbling, getting numbers and looking for things to follow up with. I’ve got a good lead on something now, so hopefully it’ll work out, and this part will be done.

Fortunately I’ve been able to do this solo — the family is out of Kingdom. I can’t imagine how much more stressful it’d be with a car full of kids …

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Stuttering for Gifts

December 24, 2014 by

Since I was raised as a Muslim, we obviously didn’t celebrate Christmas. Which means I didn’t have to ask for gifts. Which, more importantly, meant I didn’t have to confront Santa at the mall and tell him what I wanted.

Now that I’m older and I see him at the mall, though, I think that had I been in that situation, I would have had to do a lot of research on a lot of toys — just to find one that I could reliably say. Because seriously, there’s a lot of pressure with Santa — mom’s got the camera, there’s a long line of rowdy kids, there are elves standing around bored, and there are people milling about at the mall trying to do their holiday shopping. Oh, and I have to pee.

No, wait. Thinking about it more, aren’t you supposed to give him a list? Yes! That’s perfect. Nevermind. I could just write down a list, and he’d have to read it out loud. And maybe if made it long enough, he couldn’t interrogate me about a specific item. You see, the problem with coveting just one big, magical toy is that Santa would probably ask you to justify it. Sorry buddy. I can send that in a separate e-mail maybe?

But what about the other way around? What about a stuttering Santa? Could you pull off that job if you stuttered? How does that work, anyway? Does Santa ask the kid, or does the kid just start blabbing away? I suppose with the crying babies you don’t have to say much. Then again, I don’t stutter too much around children anyway, so maybe I’d be fine.

Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Some temporary discomfort

December 23, 2014 by

Still in the process of moving. Hey, c’mon — I’m overseas. Things are … different.

For instance, I’m moving from one side of the Kingdom to another. From a small town to a larger one. In our small town, there are two compounds to choose from. In the larger one, there are more than a dozen.

My company basically gave me a list (e-mails, phone numbers) for some of the compounds. The person in HR is obviously busy getting other people settled (in or out, I guess) so he can’t call around.

My wife and kids are out of the country visiting family. So it’s not like I can get her to call. I don’t have an administrative assistant any more to make calls.

So of course the first thing I do is e-mail a bunch of them. I sent them a form letter of sorts. I waited a day.

I got some responses, and they either said yes, we have something, or no, we’re full. For the others, well, I started to make some phone calls. You can imagine how much fun this wasn’t. Not only am I speaking to someone over a not-the-clearest cell phone connection, but English isn’t their first language, and oh yeah, did I mention I stutter?

Houses aren’t houses here. They’re called “villas” on a compound. I can feel the stutter coming in on “villa” every time. So I sometimes say “house.” Which is confusing for them. And doesn’t get me any answers. I also have many other detailed questions, but most of the time the person on the other end doesn’t know or doesn’t understand.

Great … it’s only my housing situation that I’m trying to sort out.

Despite all of this, I’ve got things narrowed down and am just going to go there in the next few days to meet people in person and see what’s what. Then I can stutter in person and point and use hand signals or draw pictures or whatever (just kidding. Well, sort of.)

A little more traveling and a little more discomfort, but after this is all sorted out, then it’ll be smooth sailing for a while.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Stuttering for Coffee

December 19, 2014 by

Things are still in process for my work transition/life transition/move across the Kingdom-maybe, but for now, I do have some good news:

We are off the hook at Starbucks for having to give our actual names.

“Perhaps his reasons for giving initials in place of a full name were less about sparing others inconvenience and more about wanting an accurate representation of himself on his coffee cup. I’ll take any name with any spelling so long as I don’t have to engage in a whole dialogue about it. In a place where everyone seems to be rushing, I feel guilty holding up the line for an extra ten seconds.”

So there you have it. Perfectly fluent people (there’s no mention of stuttering in this article) are using different names at Starbucks so that they won’t get their order mixed up, or to be funny or creative.

Surely you can non-stutter out some name, right? I must try this … knowing my stutter, I’d probably stutter out a fake name, too. I’d be nervous about “getting caught.”

I’ve noticed that they don’t always ask me for a name though. If it’s not as busy, they simply take the order, and then call it out when they’re done. But yeah, during the rush it’s a little unnerving, and makes me wonder if I really need to be spending money to stutter.

What would be funny is if you used a fake name and had it written on a cup — and then took it into a meeting where they said, “let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Unfocused on Stuttering

December 16, 2014 by

Alright, just a quick hello today — still alive, and still stuttering of course. I’ve gone across Saudi to my company’s home office to talk to some people about my next assignment. Since I know some people in the office already (from several years ago) they took me around and introduced me to others — so I didn’t have the stress of having to say my name at least.

After that, it’s a quick rundown of what I was doing and what I’m looking to be doing in the near future. And the meetings are usually really, really quick, less than a minute or two. Just a quick drive-by. Which is fine at this point. I had some longer discussions that I’m still waiting to hear the results on.

One fun stuttering bit that happened was here in the hotel. I needed an ironing board and iron. They weren’t provided in the room. But I looked through the guest handbook thingy, and it says you can call a number (housekeeping) and ask for it.

So … I have to … use a phone. To say the word … iron. And ironing board. And I have to do this. Gotta look good for the office visits!

So I took a nice deep breath and tried to think past my stutter, tried to ignore the word, tried not to think about how I was going to stutter. I thought about already saying the word, no problem, no problem, no problem.

Them: Hello, housekeeping.
Me: Ah, yes, hi, I need an iron and ironing board.

No stuttering! Success! Sweetness.

Them: What room are you in?
Me: !@#$!^%&%%!!!!

Are you kidding me?! I thought you knew this. I thought hotels had this part covered. Always. It’s a simple contract — I pick up the phone, you know it’s me. Here, apparently, not so much.

So yeah, I stuttered out the room number.

I’m still calling it a win. I mean, it would have been a win at another hotel, probably.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Stuttering life changes

December 10, 2014 by

I just wanted to let everybody know that I’m going to do my best to post over the next few weeks. There are some major changes happening in my life right now — moving and taking on a new job (with the same company, though). So I’ve been busy getting those things sorted out as much as possible. I’ll also be doing a bit of travel as well.

Since I stutter and this is my life, yes, there is a stuttering aspect to all of this. But I’ll get to all that once the move is over and I’ve been in the new role for a few weeks.

What I can say is that based on some “lessons learned,” the first few weeks are going to be fraught with some fear and uncertainty. Meeting new people, learning a new process, and navigating a new city will all take me out of my comfort zone. But now I know to be patient and let time build up my confidence. I should expect that my speech is a little shaky for a while. That’s ok. I can also strongly consider advertising to some of the new people I meet to further take off the edge.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

Some stuttering bits for today

December 8, 2014 by

A few things today:

First:

I wrote a lengthy guest post over at westutterandwedontcare. It’s about the worst stuttering experience I’ve ever had. So if you’re having a lousy day, by all means, compare and contrast!

Here’s a little bit from the story:

The organizer then said he’d introduce the speakers, and started to give a short background on each of them. So this is what they meant by introductions. I leaned back in my chair and took another sip of soda. I had gotten away with one. Just as I started to think about other things, the organizer asked that the finance people at the plants stand up and introduce themselves. A microphone was being passed around.

I started to worry.

You can read the rest of the story here.

Second:

Another thought exercise and/or experiment — what would our speech be like if we were told it’s not that bad? We’re hardest on ourselves, but what if someone recorded us, reviewed it, then told us it’s not as bad compared to someone who’s fluent? (Note — I do mean in a deceptive way). If we didn’t know it, would that boost our confidence and help our speech? Would that help break down negative associations we have with speaking?

A little more — let’s say they recorded us giving a short speech. And they also recorded some fluent people who are maybe not as confident or are afraid of public speaking. Then we sit down with the videos. We are only shown the fluent parts of our speech (maybe a stutter here and there) and for those who are fluent, we are shown only the bad parts. If we are “trained” in this way, would that help us out over the long run?

Third:

There’s this story about writing every day and its benefits. As someone who tries to journal every day, I can certainly attest to having my head organized a little better, and feeling better overall.

Reflective writing, particularly in a journal, has been shown to have health benefits both physical and emotional, like increasing control and creativity, decreasing anxiety, depression, and rage.

I usually scribble down things about work (lists, phone numbers, meeting notes) but also longer thoughts on stuttering, including good experiences and bad ones. I’d be interested to know if others are doing the same thing — what are you focusing on when you write about your stutter in a journal?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Advertising, optimism and stuttering

December 3, 2014 by

There are going to be posts on this blog that are inspired from pretty solid places (articles, research, other blogs, tweets) and then stuff that’s a little more … out there.

This is going to be one of those posts.

As you can probably guess by now, I think about my stutter a lot. So sometimes I might think of an angle and wonder what’s really going on with it, or if it’s remotely related.

I think in general most people would agree that Americans are optimistic. There’s this ideal of the American Dream. The idea of working hard and getting ahead. That things will get better, the economy will grow, people will find jobs.

I was thinking more and more about advertising my stutter. And why I don’t do it. Why a lot of people who might be covert stutterers don’t do it.

Optimism?

Why not? I’m about to engage in a conversation. I’m thinking that I won’t stutter. I can dance around it. I can use some tricks, I can use other words, I can just stay silent and pay attention. I can follow up with an e-mail or a text later.

It’s also tied to the (sometimes) positive feedback loop of being covert. I mean, if it’s been working 90% of the time, why not this time?

If I advertise before I talk (my flawed thinking goes) I’m already admitting defeat. That’s such a pessimistic view! Give it a go! You need to try first, and then crash and burn. Not say that the crashing and burning is inevitable.

Like I said, this is flawed. Why not advertise? Why not inform and educate the other person? It’s not your fault anyway. You have a message that needs to get across.

I’m curious if people in other countries/cultures might feel the same way. Are you from a family of generally pessimistic people? Is it a cultural norm to assume or expect the worse?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Who will you stutter with today?

December 2, 2014 by

I had the chance to travel home during the holidays, and I noticed something interesting with regards to stuttering and interacting with people. Namely, if given a choice of people — male, female, young, old, calm, flustered, etc., who would you want to (try to) talk to?

I’m at the airport, and I need to check in for my flight. I’m there pretty early, so there are more counter agents than customers. So I drag my suitcases through the little maze and … well … who’s it going to be? The young man who’s typing on his computer? The young lady who’s looking at me? The older man who’s also looking at me?

There’s so much to consider in just a few seconds — will the old man care if my suitcase is a half kilogram over? Will the young lady be pulled aside by the young man and asked how to do something, thus dragging out the whole process? Will the young man — who might be new — not understand my visa and start asking me questions that I’ll stutter on?

I’d like to think that I don’t think about my stuttering until just a few seconds before it starts to happen. But I think since I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s really burnt into my head. It’s driving the bus. I try to fight this by going up to the counter, smiling, saying hi, and handing over my passport. I take another deep breath. Breathe!

But how do I usually decide? Well, after interactions at the airport, retail store and bank, I’ve noticed that I’m usually partial to the person who’s smiling. As long as they’re not standing next to someone else talking. Because hey, if I’m going to stutter, I’d rather have an audience of one.

The smiling does a lot to disarm me. It says, “hey, you’re welcome here, I’m open to helping you, and I’m not going to jump down your throat and interrogate you.”

I always, always, return the smile. Disarm you! Disarm me! Now I can breathe again. And say hello. And hand you my passport. And say, “two bags.” And even ask a question that I already know the answer to! (Confirming that the bags aren’t checked all the way through to my small town.)

On the one hand, I don’t usually have to say that much to the counter agent. I’m well prepared. But is that because I stutter? And I don’t want to talk to them that much? No. I don’t think so. I think as I get older and figure things out, I realize that being prepared while you travel makes life a whole lot easier. If that means less chit-chatting, then so be it.

So what about you? When you reach the front of the line and have a choice, who does your stuttering fear the least?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Thankful for Stuttering – Part 2

December 1, 2014 by

Alright, alright. It’s been a few days. Holidays! Turkey! International travel!

But now we’re back at it.

Firstly, here’s a post regarding being thankful for stuttering.

And of course I’m thankful for stuttering because of what it’s made me:

It’s made me more patient: There’s the old saying of treat others how you wish to be treated. Well, when it takes me a while to talk, I would like some patience. So everybody else gets it as well. My thoughts aren’t always well formed (maybe because I’m being covert and substituting like crazy) so I understand when other people are searching for the right way to express their thoughts.

It’s made me more ambitious. There’s two ways of looking at this. Either I’m more ambitious because I’m trying to run away from my stutter — and make people associate my name with my title or success — or that everytime I get a promotion or better job I’ve won the battle against stuttering. I’ve shown that it’s not going to hold me back.

It’s made me a better listener. I like to ask questions. Then I like to listen. The better the questions, the longer the answers might be. And that means I’m not talking as much. Which of course means I’m not stuttering, either.

It’s made me a better writer. I could call someone up and bumble over a question or two or three, or I could write a clear and concise e-mail. I’m pretty good at those now.

It’s made me a voracious reader. This has been true from the start — when I was in elementary school. Maybe it’s because if I read the book I would know all the answers and have more confidence? Maybe if I read the book I would know all the answers and not have to raise my hand to ask a question? Maybe because it didn’t involve talking to other people? The other side to this is a book club — would something like that have put me off with regards to reading? If I had to talk about books from a young age? Probably so …

It’s made me start this blog!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Thankful for Stuttering – Part 1

November 27, 2014 by

I’m thankful for:

The barista who stands there patiently with their sharpie while I force out my name
The passport agent who sits there quietly while I force out ‘dates’ as hard as possible
My parents who never said anything negative about my stuttering or that I had to sort it out or be a failure
My friends who never laughed at my stutter
My coworkers who wait while I explain something during a meeting and stumble through it
The person on the other side of the phone who hangs on the line while I stutter out my address
The cashier who doesn’t roll their eyes while I stutter out my phone number
The new people who I meet in the Kingdom at lunch who’ve never commented on my stutter

I could go on.

I’m thankful for all of these people because they show me that stuttering isn’t going to kill me. If I want to talk to someone, I’ll get through it. I’ll make more positive associations with talking than negative ones. I’ll learn that 99 out of 100 people are patient, loving and kind when it comes to listening. And that one person out of a hundred isn’t going to bring down my moment, my afternoon, or my day.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Stuttering and My Job

November 25, 2014 by

Alright, so here’s the last thing to say about jobs and stuttering (for the moment).

I talked about what my own situation is — and whether I’m one to even talk about these things.

Thirdly, am I one to talk? I will readily admit that my stutter probably pushed me into engineering. Maybe not fully, but it had something to do with it. Well, the thing is, I didn’t just sit and stay in the first job that I had. I saw my boss and his job. I saw how much he talked, and how he carried himself with others and in meetings. And despite the fact that I didn’t think that would be possible, I kept working at it anyway.

The question is, if I had to do it all over again knowing more about stuttering, getting help and being more open, would I have made the same choices? I don’t know. Engineering isn’t too bad. I don’t think I knew enough about it to think that, ‘hey, here’s a great job where I can sit in a cubicle for 40 years and never have to talk to anybody.’

I think maybe some of the changes I would have made (if engineering was locked in as a major) would be regards to job-searching and networking. What were my peers doing? Could someone tell me what I’m supposed to be doing at a job fair? Drop off my resume, or … talk?

But again, it’s hard to say — I graduated 30 days before 9/11. The job market got a little soft, and there was a lot of uncertainty. So having a family contact for my first job was probably the only answer.

Was ignorance maybe better? What if I had someone who knew more about certain jobs? And then assume that I had the courage to ask them about speaking and stuttering in those jobs. Wouldn’t that have scared me off? Would I have known to seek alternate opinions?

The other thing of course is that everybody’s stutter is different. I usually don’t stutter on every single word, but hey, it’s happened. If I’m talking to familiar people it’s not too bad. If I have to make a presentation, it’s hit and miss. So many variables.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Afraid of speaking on the job. Before getting the job.

November 24, 2014 by

Going back to last week’s posts on jobs. In my second paragraph, I talked about well, fear. Fear of having to say something, having to present something.

As many people have said, fear cannot run your life. It’s definitely a lot more prevalent if you stutter, but it’s gotta be controlled.

If you see someone doing your dream job, and you see them (for just an hour, or a day, or a week) and they’re talking way more than you think you could, then you still need to ask more questions. What about all of the other time? What are they actually doing?

Being afraid of a job because you might have to do a presentation once a year is an irrational thought. It’s the same thinking that goes into why people buy bigger houses than they need — well, maybe someone might visit us once a year for a week. So we need that extra bedroom!

No you don’t.

Here’s a crazy thought. What if the person who you see doing your dream job is a covert stutterer? Or someone with other speech difficulties? Someone who worked a lot at speaking and then gained the confidence to present and carry on at work?

I’m not saying that you have to be covert to be successful. Of course not. But you can practice, practice, practice. You can get more comfortable with your coworkers. You can advertise to them that you stutter (on your own terms and on your own timeline) which may take some of the edge off.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

I’m telling you that you can’t do that job.

November 20, 2014 by

I talked the other day about jobs and stuttering. Let me go through it again, but in more detail. I’ll start with the first point today and do the others tomorrow.

What I said was that there are going to be people who will hate on your future job dreams.

So basically, here is what they’re telling you:

1. They know every single verbal interaction you will have.
2. They know that you will fail at every single one of those interactions.
3. They know every single person who has that job that you want, across the country, and around the world.
4. All those people who they know do the exact same thing in the exact same way, and you won’t be able to do that.

So again, seriously? You’re going to buy that?

You’re going to believe that an engineer working at an auto factory has the same verbal demands as an engineer working on a job site in Texas? That an IT professional at a small company is doing the same things as someone at a Fortune 500 company? Just because you’ve spent 12 years in school observing your teachers, doesn’t mean that’s the only way to teach. Every coach isn’t always yelling and explaining. Managers don’t always have to give presentations. Every lawyer isn’t arguing in court.

Nobody’s an expert on every single job in the country. Nobody knows that much about what your daily demands are going to be. So don’t let anybody tell you that they do. You have to find out for yourself. You have to reach out and do some research.

And what if you do some research and find out that the verbal demands are really tough? Well, then you have to prepare yourself. You have to do the work. How badly do you want it? If you’ve prepared yourself academically (and possibly physically) why not verbally? Do the best you can at it, and if you have to do some advertising and get help early in the job, so be it. But build up your confidence. Build up your network. Make people comfortable with your stuttering.

Remember that those haters are like the voice in your head. Every day, you have a verbal interaction. And every time, you say to yourself, I can’t do this. I will avoid doing this. I don’t have to do this. The little person in your head — the hater — he wins. But what happens when you do talk, and you do stutter, and you do succeed? You’ve proven to yourself you can win and shown the hater that he’s wrong.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Some Stuttering Jobs

November 19, 2014 by

Recently on the Stuttering Community Facebook page, Amy asked what jobs everybody has. Remember that all of these people stutter. Here are the jobs and/or places where people work. So what’s your excuse now?

Call center, machinist, SLP, engineer, grocery store stocker, receptionist, doctor, paramedic, firefighter, journalist, professor, restaurant manager, IT, chef, electrical engineer, project manager (that’s me!), police officer, sports writer, accountant, nurse, priest, teacher, woodworker, lawyer, ultrasound tech, data scientist, graphic designer, HR, heavy equipment operator, web developer, care giver, soldier, salesman, and counselor.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Stuttering and your future job

November 18, 2014 by

I wanted to comment on something I’ve been seeing lately on Facebook groups and Reddit — young people who stutter worrying about what sort of job they might have since they stutter. I remember a few posts that said the person who stutters talked to someone in their profession or industry, and they said, no, you won’t be able to do this. You have to be able to talk.

This is all a bunch of crap.

Let me go through this in three parts. I want to just put forth some main ideas on this.

Firstly, hearing one person hate on your future job prospects is like having one person telling you that you can’t lose weight. Think about it. They’ll tell you how they’ve tried everything, it’s genetic, just don’t worry about it, just live with it. Seriously? And you can’t find ten other people who have lost 50 lbs and are more than happy to tell you how to change your life to do the same thing? You can communicate with anybody now through the Internet. You can ask to talk to someone who has your future job. You can reach out to many of them, and you’ll find someone who can help guide you through the process.

Secondly, if you’re looking at what a future job entails and then just giving up because you think — think — that you can’t do the speaking involved, then you’ve already failed. You’ve said to yourself that you’ve tried everything — various speech therapists, group therapy, self therapy, daily practice of techniques and things like Toastmasters. So, again, really? You’ve tried all that. You’ve done all the work, and you’re still going to give up? You’ve worked hard to change negative connotations of your stuttering into positive ones, and a dream job is still not going to happen?

Thirdly, am I one to talk? I will readily admit that my stutter probably pushed me into engineering. Maybe not fully, but it had something to do with it. Well, the thing is, I didn’t just sit and stay in the first job that I had. I saw my boss and his job. I saw how much he talked, and how he carried himself with others and in meetings. And despite the fact that I didn’t think that would be possible, I kept working at it anyway. I’ve moved up. I’ve freaked out, I’ve practiced, I’ve had good days and bad. But I’m still going forward, and I’m still being scared at what the future might hold. But I’m better prepared.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

What I’m Stuttering on Lately – A Trip Home

November 17, 2014 by

So I’m back stateside now after traveling over from the Kingdom. As with any change to my routine, there’s more stuttering. I’m out of my comfort zone more, so the anxiety is up.

Here’s what I’ve been stuttering on lately:

Before the trip –

I noticed that most of the stories that a married man with kids tells either have to do with, “I was out the other day,” or “my kids are crazy, the other day they …” or “my wife was telling me …”

The first two aren’t that bad. But that ‘w’ on wife as well as my wife’s name have been difficult lately. (Note that most of this happens at lunch when I’m talking to native English speakers). So sometimes what my wife has gone through or told me about gets told. Oftentimes … not so much.

During the trip –

I was traveling to Washington, DC. Another ‘w’ word. So at the checkin counter, I got hung up on this. With some people you can chicken out and say “DC” but that doesn’t always work. What was annoying is that from our small town, I could only fly to Jeddah (by which I mean I could only have my bags checked through to Jeddah). So I stuttered and stumbled on ‘Washington,’ when all I had to say was ‘Jeddah.’ Which is easier.

When I got to Jeddah, I had an 8-hour layover. So I decided to get a cab and go to Shake Shack (duh). Well, the driver was a Saudi and didn’t know any English. But I said the name of the street (Tahlia, and I can say that) a few times, and finally he understood. I had to point as we got closer, but that wasn’t too bad.

The Shake Shack ordering went well; I usually do the “menu assist” stuttering technique. You know, say it as you point to it on the menu. So that was fine. Next to the Shack was Starbucks (remember, I’m trying to kill a lot of time here).

Ah, the Starbucks. There’s my usual order of a medium non-fat, no-whip mocha. No cream. A stutterer’s delight half the time. But lo, what was this? They actually had seasonal offerings in the desert?

Now, I promise you that I ordered the gingerbread latte because it was the season. Not because I knew I’d stutter on ‘mocha.’ Besides, I still had to stay ‘without cream,’ or ‘no cream.’ I spelled my name for them after trying to say it. That wasn’t too bad. Please also keep in mind in that our small town we don’t have a Starbucks, so any trip there is a treat for me. As are the seasonal offerings.

Then I had to get a cab back to the airport. This was fun as well. I don’t know how to say airport, but I kept on saying “Saudia” over and over again and making the hand flying up into the sky motion. The driver got it. He could speak some broken English, and I used a few of my Arabic words. Our small town starts with a “Y,” and that was difficult to get out. But the cabbie didn’t laugh or give me a weird look. Maybe he thought I was just speaking a second language, so … it’s not easy.

No problem checking in — all the counters are for the Washington flight only. So just hand the passport, ask if the flight is full (no, not at all, you’ll have room to stretch out) and be on my way. At the passport desk they don’t ask you anything on the way out.

Flight was uneventful. I’m tall and can never sleep soundly on airplanes. But I got some rest of the 13-hour deal …

Into DC … and hurrying to get to passport control.

Wait, let me back up.

When I Jeddah, I discovered that I didn’t have a pen. And I knew that I needed to fill out the customs card in DC with a pen. And I knew searching around (or asking) for one would be annoying and tricky. So I sought out a cheap pen to buy. Done. On the airplane I dutifully filled out the card and wrote, by the ‘declaring fruits’ section that I bought in DATES. Because I knew they’d ask, and I knew they’d write it down as well.

So of course when I get near passport control, I find that they have the electronic kiosks. You scan your passport, answer the questions, and it spits out a paper. No pen necessary.

Then I’m waiting for the officer, things are relaxed, not a lot of people, I’m not doing anything wrong, I have my passport, I’m taking a deep breath, I’m trying not to think of the questions they’ll ask. I tell myself that I will advertise my stutter if I’m bumbling over everything.

I get called up. “What fruits are you bringing in?”

Ddd-

Dd-

D-

Push harder. It’s almost here.

“Dates.”

“Oh, ok. Dates are good. Welcome home.”

And that was it!

Filed Under: Stuttering on Lately, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

A trip home

November 13, 2014 by

Just a quick post today. I’m traveling over the next two days, and then we’ve got the weekend. So I should be back at posting come Monday. I’ll have What I’m Stuttering on Lately along with a Link Roundup early next week. Since I’m traveling, I’m tempted to try to advertise my stutter to the passport control officer when it comes time. I dunno. I’ll see how I’m feeling after the flight. And since I’m traveling, it means another Starbucks interaction … or two. Or three. And since I’m going Stateside, I’ll try to order a burrito as well. (I just took a deep breath thinking about that …)

Over the next two weeks I’m going to have time to go through the site and update sections that are pretty old (6 months!). I also want to try to get the logo on there in a better way — the one that I use on Twitter.

I’m pretty sure I made a list of things I wanted to do on this site by the end of the calendar year. Need to reread that …

Have a good weekend and stutter on.

Filed Under: Stuttering on Lately, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,

Not Stuttering … now what?!

November 12, 2014 by

So I picked up my new bike the other day here in the Kingdom. It’s a Canyon — I ordered it online, and ten days later it showed up. I know the right thing to do is to go to a bike shop and give them my business — but we don’t have them here in the Kingdom. And besides, after the bike fitting, I found out that the Canyons would be a really good fit.

Anyway, the way things work here in Kingdom is that if you have a package going to UPS (or FedEx or DHL) — at least in our small town — you have to go to the carrier’s office to pick it up. They have daytime hours only. Sometimes on weekends. And if you’re tracking your package online, it may or may not say exactly where it is. For instance, it said mine was still in Jeddah — and we’re three hours from there.

So I got to the UPS office in the morning after getting a call from them (that’s the other thing — you have to put your phone number on the shipping address) and there wasn’t anybody there except for the UPS employee. I saw my bike — they just leave the packages out and about.

I went up to the guy and said my name using the more Arabic pronunciation — which I don’t stutter on as much. He said, “yeah, I know.” Ooookay. I guess he either recognized my voice or …? I’m here to pick up my bike. Yeah, ok, there’s a customs fee. I paid the fee and complimented him on how perfect his English was. He said he had lived in the States for more than a decade … and …

…And what was beginning to happen? I told him I grew up in Pennsylvania, had been in Saudi for about four years. I wasn’t stuttering. I was comfortable. There wasn’t anybody else in the office breathing down my neck. I was happy my bike had made it. I was making successful small talk! What should I do? How friendly am I supposed to be? Should I take advantage of these non-stuttering moments? I didn’t want it to be awkward. He didn’t need to know my life story. But I felt I could tell it all right then and there!

Stuff like this happens to me once in a while. But I usually catch myself pretty quickly. You’re talking pretty fast … you’re talking a lot … they’re not looking as interested … move along …

Does this ever happen to anybody else? You just kind of zone out for a few moments and everything is right with the world again? Do you find yourself happily babbling away?

I guess this is what keeps me from advertising. These moments of fluency happen, and I think, well, see, I didn’t advertise, and everything is just fine.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Stuttering and the Dentist

November 11, 2014 by

I talked the other day about Stuttering and the doctor, and something else occurred to me — that’s assuming you’re even seeing the doctor.

I was at the dentist’s office the other day getting my teeth cleaned. The last time I had this done was a little over two years ago. Yes, I know, that’s terrible.

But then, is the reason why because I stutter? Because I didn’t want to pick up the phone and schedule an appointment? Which I didn’t do anyway — I actually went to the office to schedule the appointment. But there again, the need to talk to someone, to say “I need a teeth cleaning.” And knowing I’d probably stutter on the “teeth” and the “cleaning.”

After a while, of course, you do just sort of suck it up, I suppose. After looking at your teeth in the mirror long enough, you say, “well, I think there’s enough nasty stuck in between them that I’ll have to go, stuttering-be-damned.”

And yes, there are fluent people reading this going, “are you serious? You aren’t going to go in for a routine, paid-by-insurance visit to the doctor because you’re afraid of calling to make an appointment?”

Yep.

The whole idea of a teeth cleaning is preventive medicine. That you take care of them before a problem arises that’s much bigger and potentially more painful. And costly.

So I wondered how many people aren’t going to the doctor or dentist because of their stuttering. Because they have to call to make an appointment. Because they don’t want to express what’s wrong over the phone. Or because they think they’ve got it covered on their own. It’s no big deal.

One thing I’ve heard people doing is taking a sick day to go into the doctor/dentist for a preventive checkup. Is that allowed? I think so. Do I have to call HR to find out? Yes. Do I want to pick up the phone and call someone when I could just not go instead?

Of course because of my avoidance of the dentist, my teeth have suffered. That was many years ago though. I’ve been getting better. But yes, I’ve got a few cavities. Yes, I’ve had a root canal. Is it all because of stuttering? Well, probably not. But it certainly hasn’t helped.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Stuttering on Facebook … and More Robots

November 10, 2014 by

I wanted to just mention today about two Facebook groups that I’ve joined recently — Stuttering Community, Stuttering Hangout, and Stuttering Arena.

They’ve each got about 3,000 members, which is pretty nice. Although I suspect that there are probably a lot more people out there wanting to join but afraid to because they’re covert — and doesn’t joining a group or belonging to a group show up on your timeline? And thus your friends could see it?

Recently people have been throwing questions out there about stress levels, genetics, kinds of stutters. It’s really interesting to read the comments and see how people relate to their stutter. Most of the posts have 20-30 comments or more, so people are reading and responding. I put out something on there about stuttering on your employer’s name … didn’t get much traction, though … maybe it’s me. Anyway, it’s nice to read all the comments and get some ideas for blog posts.

I was talking about robots the other day, and lo and behold, here’s some more fun that’s come to my attention.

First, there’s this expensive toy that can be bought from the Apple Store.

That’s right. It’s your head on a stick. That can be driven around. Aside from the general creepiness of it, I wonder how someone who stutters would deal with this. I could see how a company in the States could put one of these in say, an office in India doing engineering work. The boss could “move around” the office and check in on what everybody’s up to. My question would be — could I program it to say things, or would I have to say everything? Like, could I just select a few recorded messages once I rolled up to someone?

There’s also the new Amazon Echo product …

Amazon Echo is designed around your voice. It’s always on—just ask for information, music, news, weather, and more. Echo begins working as soon as it hears you say the wake word, “Alexa.” It’s also an expertly-tuned speaker that can fill any room with immersive sound.

Seriously? Can I change its name though? What if I stutter on Alexa nine times out of ten? Do I have to stutter and stumble in my own house? Can I just name it Captain Chucklebuckets? I have a hard enough time when my son is standing next to me and forcing me to talk to Siri. Son, back in my day, we just looked stuff up the old fashioned way …

I can also see myself going to someone’s house and being embarrassed by this thing. Like I start stuttering, it might pick up what I’m trying to say and suggest or do something else. Ugh. No.

This is what the upcoming robot invasion feels like for someone who stutters:

Them: What, are you afraid the robot is going to terminate you? Like in those movies?
Me: No, that’s silly.
Them: Then what are you afraid of?
Me: I’m afraid he’s going to ask me a question. And then when I stutter on the response, then he’ll terminate me.

I promise tomorrow I’ll take off the tinfoil hat and stop talking about robots …

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Stuttering and Politics

November 6, 2014 by

So yesterday in the States they had the midterm elections. Since I live here in Saudi, the results don’t really change much for my day-to-day life. And since I’m not sure when we’re moving back …

What I wanted to talk about today is politics. I’m not here to discuss my specific views on various subjects, but rather how I came to have them — or not.

The thing about politics is that it always boils down to discussing and arguing. An oral exercise. You can have an opinion on something, and if you want to let you friends know, you have to state the position, then articulate something clear and meaningful to support it. You have to listen to their arguments and refute them. You have to understand where they’re coming from, probe them, challenge them, and then maybe agree to disagree.

That’s a lot of … talking.

Can you do it by e-mails or texts? Sure. Just read through the comments section on any political news story and let me know how convincing that strategy is.

I’ve not been able to see this any other way. And even if I could articulate something slowly and somewhat clearly to a friend the first time, it doesn’t mean I can do it all the time. It doesn’t mean that I’ll have the same confidence, either.

Because of all this, I’ve never really been that political. There’s a lot of criticism out there that people don’t “care” about politics, that they may not vote or get engaged. But could it just be a communication issue? Oftentimes we see that the winners are the ones spending the most money or yelling the loudest.

I think back in college and possibly earlier, I saw debating as something I would never be able to do. I thought that if I stuttered, the other person would see this as a weakness and walk all over me and my words.

So what can we do? What can someone who stutters do if they’re interested in politics? In debate? In getting up in front of a large group and arguing that their school policy be changed, or that they’d be a decent candidate for office?

A person who stutters would first have to get past the fact that their stutter alone won’t lose them the debate. Once past this, I’d reason that an insane amount of reading and preparation would help. And just being calm during a debate. I’d imagine that even the process of debate preparation would help — speaking out loud, trying various phrases and angles over and over again. Building confidence.

The thing about being over prepared is that it tells the other party (as well as the audience) that wow, this person’s content is spot-on. They really know their stuff. It puts the spotlight on material instead of how that material is coming out of your mouth.

I’ve never done Toastmasters (I’m not against trying it now) nor did I do anything debate-wise in school growing up. But now that I think about it, it probably would have helped. Maybe not enter a life of politics per se, but at least get me out of my comfort zone and get me thinking and talking about different topics.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Stuttering and the Robot Invasion

November 5, 2014 by

I mentionned this bit of news yesterday on Twitter:

So.

It’s happening. Slowly the robots are taking over. We’re headed for that Terminator-like future.

But seriously, there’s a lot of automation going on these days.

I talked before about how technology helps those of us who stutter. And using it to sidestep a day of human interaction.

Today though I wanted to talk about the other side of it — when those of us who stutter may have to interact with the robots — with few other options.

Take this Lowe’s robot for instance. I’ll admit it’s pretty cool. On a good day I’d love to interact with this thing. But I’m like you — I spend an hour walking up and down the aisles of the Big Box just to avoid asking someone where something is. I can find it myself! But you can’t do that with kids (I seem to say this a lot) — because they’ll keep bothering you about asking someone for help. Or they’ll have to go to the bathroom. In which case you’ll at least go to a part of the store you haven’t been to before.

Actually, now that I think about it, kids are the answer, aren’t they? Why do I have to talk to the robot once it accosts me in the store? Why not have the kids do it? And while they’re being distracted by Shiny and New, I’ll sneak off and look at faucets.

The robots in the Big Box stores do make sense. And where else can they go? What about the Big Box Bookstore? I wonder if they only do voice recognition, or if you can just start pushing its touchscreen. So you could search a book on it, and then have it take you to the book. (I’d of course never do this because the point of going to a bookstore is to wander around aimlessly).

At the airport? For check-in? I don’t see why not. It’d scan your documents, scan your face, and then take your luggage. I suppose you could get around telling it where you need to go because it’d already know. But what about answering questions like other passengers traveling with you, or about paying extra fees? Or if you wanted to change your ticket at the counter? I once showed up at the Detroit airport to find out that my flight to Baltimore was cancelled. I sought out a sympathetic Delta employee who got me rerouted. I could sort of do that on my own terms — find an agent who was by themself, away from a large crowd, no line. So take a deep breath, stick out your boarding card, and start talking. But what about doing something like that to an automated system? With a line of people behind you? In a noisy airport?

At a hotel? Either for check-in or carrying your bags up to your room. You could be searching through your bag for a paper when the robot tells you what time breakfast is. You miss it. Can you go to a screen to get the information again, or would you have to ask it to repeat itself?

If you go to the doctor’s office, a robot could conceivably take your vitals (stick you arm in this …) and then ask you what’s wrong. Transcribe that and send it to the doctor’s tablet computer. (Which of course would be funny/horrifying the first time. You start stuttering, and it prints out directions to the nearest SLP.) That’s assuming of course it wouldn’t insult you by asking you if you’re having a stroke …

There’s so much opportunity out there for a lot of things to be automated. My concern would be whether they are looking out for people with disabilities or not. I mean, just talking to an automated phone system is stressful enough. I hate being in a room with people while on the phone with a computer and saying things like, “YES … NO … BILLING INFORMATION … DISPUTE BILL …”

(I don’t know about you, but once that crap starts, I just start pushing 0 over and over again until a human comes on. Usually works.)

I think what anybody who stuters really wants to know about this Lowe’s robot — and any other “helper” robot is this — can I just text it what I want?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Stuttering and the Buzzfeed Post

November 4, 2014 by

I thought I’d go through this buzzfeed list and offer up a bit of my own commentary on it. It might be something you can share with your fluent friends. They probably didn’t understand the buzzfeed piece anyway. Oh wait, you probably didn’t send it to them since you’re covert. Admit it!

Obviously Buzzfeed isn’t the place for a meaningful look into stuttering, but at least they’ve given me some inspiration for a post.

1. Not being able to introduce yourself because you get stuck on YOUR OWN NAME.

I went to lunch this week and sat across a tiny table at Subway from someone who I didn’t know (part of a larger group). I didn’t bother introducing myself. And you know what? Neither did he! And I’m pretty sure he didn’t stutter! We made that “hello-I’m” eye contact a few times, but I never bothered to engage. Can’t win them all.

2. Having to scramble for a new word mid-sentence so you don’t have to say the one that you know will trip you up.

Sometimes I just pause, and sometimes I just start picking words … that may or may not make sense. And then who knows where we all end up.

3. Literally becoming one with your desk to avoid having to read aloud in class.

I think I became an expert in avoiding eye contact with my teachers. Of course there were also those times during spelling lessons when we’d each have to read a word from the new lesson. So I’d look down the list, and then count how many people were before me. I’d figure out what word I’d end up with and spend the next 15 minutes freaking out about how on earth I was going to pronounce it let alone spell it. And then use it in a sentence.

4. Reading a word and knowing, with your stutter-senses, that you would NEVER be able to say that out loud.

The best part is that the word (or words … or phrases … or names of people) changes every day! It’s like one of those little passcode keychain things that doctors carry around. New code every day!

5. Just stopping in the middle of a sentence and hoping that everyone thinks you’re just trying to build suspense.

When I “came out” about my stuttering on Facebook, a friend commented that she thought that was the way I talked and told jokes …

6. Perfecting your stutter-distraction strategies like the fake cough…

I’ve never done this. I’ll have to try it though. Ha!

7. …the “Oh, would you look at that!”
8. …the “What was I saying again?”

I do have a short attention span. I can be distracted easily.

9. The way people tell you they “omg NEVER noticed” you have a stutter.

Seriously, they should give out PhDs in being covert. I’d not only have the degree, but I’d be head of the department.

10. Or even weirder, when you tell them you have a stutter and someone says “no you don’t.”

Well, before I’d never really just offered up that I have a stutter.

11. Hearing someone else pause when they speak and wondering if they’re like you.
12. And feeling an instant affinity for them when you find out that, yes, they also have a stutter.

I have a pretty good time at home and work and laugh often. But I hadn’t laughed really hard and long in a while until I went to the NSA Conference. And then we exchanged stories, and boy, was that great. It was also nice being able to tell jokes … and pause … and still be able to get to the punchline.

13. Wanting to punch someone in their stupid face for completing your sentence for you.

I’ve sort of come to terms with this … but I was wondering the other day — what do fluent people think when I finish their sentences? I actually find myself doing this fairly often because they’re searching for the right word or phrase. But remember, I’m in an environment with non-native English speakers.

14. Especially when they complete your sentence with the wrong word and you’re like, “wtf?”

I find if you keep on stuttering and keep getting louder about it, they won’t interrupt …

15. Or when you’re reading out loud (eek) and someone prompts you with the word you’re stuck on.

Can’t remember this happening … thank goodness.

16. Getting pissed at how fakey and cartoonish TV characters with stutters can be.

My kids watch a lot of cartoons. Including Porky Pig. (By the way, there’s a new version of Looney Tunes, and boy is it ever funny. I mean, Daffy is just off the wall hilarious.) On the one hand, I am annoyed by Porky and how he’s probably set us all back. On the other, I’m sort of inspired because he does just plow on through. Although he does substitute often …

17. Not being able to ask an important question in class because your larynx is just not up to the task right now.

I was in a meeting today, and I had a point to ask. I spoke up. Take that, stuttering! But yeah, mostly in school I just sat back and kept my mouth shut. And read. A lot.

18. Picking what to order at a restaurant based on what you’ll be able to pronounce.

Absolutely. But this gets harder when you have kids, because you have to order for them as well. And you can’t just lie to your kids and say no, they don’t have chicken nuggets.

19. Wanting to buy a cake for whoever made texting the default communication of the modern world.

What else do I love about the modern world? Not having to talk to anybody when I buy gas. Online banking. E-mails. Messengering programs. Did I mention e-mails?

20. And straight up not making friends with people who “prefer to use the phone.”

I had a boss say to me once, “this can’t be solved over e-mails. Pick up the phone and call him. NOW! I did. And it hurt. But hey, he was right. Problem got solved in a hurry. Maybe these fluent people know something after all …

21. Because picking up the phone and not being able to answer is the most awkward thing ever.

I don’t have this problem. I have the problem of the other party picking up the phone. And then not being able to say anything. Can I e-mail you instead?

22. Leaving a stuttery voicemail with lots of pauses and cringing the whole time.

I think this changed a while back. Now you can choose to save the voicemail or try again, right? Or how about I just send you a text. Or an e-mail. Or not call.

23. Requiring a whole different level of preparation for a job interview.

I don’t know if voice exercises work or not. I don’t know if sitting in your car during a three-hour drive to the interview talking to yourself, asking yourself questions out loud, answering them, changing the words, finding the right words, and asking more stuff really works or not. But it worked for me. That and being way over prepared.

24. Getting low grades for class presentations even though you know everything about the topic.

I had an English teacher tell me once that my speech on a book was “honest.” I’m guessing it’s because my voice was strained and I was mostly out of breath the whole time.

25. And of course, people making fun of your stutter before they realize that you’re not faking it.

I don’t think I’ve ever had someone say something really negative about my stutter. But I have had people just laugh at me before. Which was … pretty damn hurtful.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Monday Stuttering Link Roundup

November 3, 2014 by

Alright, here it finally is, a link roundup.

Of course everybody by now has seen this list on buzzfeed.

Yes, I “get” everything on that list, and yes, I’ve done most of that stuff. It’s pretty funny, sure. Only we would understand — but isn’t the point to educate others? I mean, yes, it was cool going to the NSA conference and meeting other people who stutter and laughing about things that we’ve experienced (most of this list, actually). But if only we understand, then we’ll continue to face the same kind of environment we already have. So with that in mind, I’ll post commentary this week on this buzzfeed piece — a primer for those who are fluent seeking to understand what it’s really like.

This article in the Washington Post is about those with disabilities seeing the doctor. This real life story is about someone who stutters. It’s a great story and nice insight to what we face with a simple doctor’s visit.

By the look on James’s face, I could tell that he understood just fine. I did, too. I closed the door. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “Let’s start over. My name is Leana. I’m your doctor. I’m also a person who stutters.”

If you recall, it’s something I talked about recently.

Do you stutter? Are you young? Do you live near Purdue? Want to join a study? Here’s one for you:

The project is using a newer, noninvasive neuroimaging technology to examine the brain at work during speaking. Walsh says few studies have looked at the neural mechanisms of stuttering in the seven- to 12-year-old age group due to the challenges other brain imaging techniques pose.

I don’t watch British television, so I don’t know exactly what this show is all about, but here’s a nice piece in the Guardian about a reality tv star with a stammer. He’s only 18 now, so it’s interesting to read about his journey through school and how he built up confidence.

“As crazy as it sounds, my stammer makes me want to work harder every day. I would rather have this stammer than not have it. It’s made me brave, and it’s made me want to go that extra mile.”

Arthur Young talks about his lifelong stutter and how he came to terms with coming out. He’s now an active member of the British Stammering Association.

In 2013, I found a stammering community on Facebook called the British Stammering Association and this provided me with a whole range of information, and most importantly, shared experiences with fellow stammerers. I learnt about overt and covert stammerers and coping mechanisms – some work and some have no evidence, but the group explained the pros and cons from their experiences.

I’m not familiar with this site, TES, but it’s got good quick advice on educating people about stuttering in a school environment:

Understanding how the stammerer feels is an important step to helping support them; why not use an assembly to raise awareness of the condition and tackle some of the myths that surround it. Explore the story of a child who stammers and discuss the challenges his stammer places on his daily life.

And lastly, here’s some interesting news on stuttering research … and seeing what your brain is up to. I definitely wish I could participate in this! What’s interesting about it is that I had a brain MRI done (for something unrelated — an eye twitch) so I wonder if that would be of interest to this team.

Delaying auditory feedback of speech, altering its pitch, singing, speaking in unison with another speaker, or speaking in time with a metronome are all ways of temporarily enhancing fluency in people who stammer. These observations tell us that the cause of stammering may be due to a problem in combining motor and auditory information.

If you have a link or story about stuttering, do please send it along. I try to do searches often online as well as on Twitter. But things have picked up a lot lately because of International Stuttering Awareness Day. I’m sure I’ll find more things over the next few days.

Filed Under: Link Roundup, Uncategorized

Stuttering Selfies

October 30, 2014 by

I’m putting together a longer link roundup for the next day or so, but for now all I have to say is that I’d like to think the person who invented the selfie was a covert stutterer.

I mean, c’mon, think about it. It’s the perfect avoidance tactic.

Like, he was on vacation in Venice, walking around enjoying the sights. Then thought he should have a photo of himself and the beautiful surroundings.

“I could go up to this nice person over there and ask them to take a photo of me while I stand in front of these gondolas. But they look pretty Italian. I bet they don’t speak English. Maybe the guy — the gondola guy? What do I call him? Anyway, maybe he’s used to this sort of thing. I could ask him. Or wait a minute. What if I just … if I just pointed the camera at myself and then … click. Yeah, that should work.”

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Stuttering and Not Stuttering

October 29, 2014 by

It’s been a while, so here again is a quick post on what I’ve been stuttering on lately. But this time with a little twist at the end.

I got a bike fitting, and so I had to tell people about the fitting … except I really dragged out that f. Forever. It’s even more annoying when you’re dragging out a letter while riding a bike and trying to talk to others. Traffic rolls by, makes noise, makes it hard for people to hear you when something does come out, etc., ugh.

For whatever reason, I was talking about May, and so well, dragging that m out quite a bit. There’s work related stuff happening in May, but also my birthday is in May. Usually on the phone (with the electric company or whatever) having to say my birthday is a true pain.

Those are the two big ones that I can remember lately. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been avoiding and substituting here and there which is still frustrating. I try not to, but sometimes I just get tired of it, and I don’t think it’ll make a difference for the listener. But sometimes I really get out of hand with substituting, and all of a sudden I don’t even make sense to myself anymore. Good times.

Ok, what I wanted to add to this today is something a little different. People who stutter often spend a lot of time obsessing over the words we do get stuck on. We see them from afar, start thinking, start switching stuff out, start changing the subject, whatever it takes.

But what about what we don’t stutter on? I know stuttering is random and can strike any word at any time. But I’ve noticed that well, there are some words that are mostly immune. Sure I get stuck on them once in a great while, but basically I know I can roll on through them usually.

For example, I went to school in Pittsburgh. When people ask, I can say “Pittsburgh” without stuttering at all. “Pennsylvania” is also pretty easy (where I grew up). There are also certain greetings — I noticed in France I never really stuttered on “bonjour.” I can say at least one (of three) of my kids’ names without any problems as well. (When I’m talking to others about them. When I’m just calling the children, there’s no stuttering.)

I could probably make a longer list — certain months, certain countries, cities, etc., But you get the idea. The point is that while we usually fear certain words and situations, we can still be fluent (reliably) in others. And that should help our confidence out.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Stuttering Collaboration

October 28, 2014 by

I read this article about how millennials aren’t buying as many cars and houses. Down toward the end of the article, they had this interesting bit:

“Our wealth, after all, is determined not only by our own skills and talents, but by our ability to access the ideas of those around us; there’s a lot to be gained by increasing the odds that smart people might bump against each other.”

This sounded familiar… oh, right. I had read something like this before about Pixar:

The biography adds that Jobs believed that, “If a building doesn’t encourage [collaboration], you’ll lose a lot of innovation and the magic that’s sparked by serendipity. So we designed the building to make people get out of their offices and mingle in the central atrium with people they might not otherwise see.”

Well, well, well. Collaboration! Through random meetings and bumping into people. Networking at your own company, so to speak. Now thinking about this as someone who stutters, I think, well, that ain’t gonna work for me! For all the jobs I’ve had so far, they’ve been in more “traditional” offices. Cubicles, closed offices, no centralized meeting space. For any office meetings, they’d been with people I had been introduced to. I worked at one client site that had several buildings connected together through large hallways, but I never bothered introducing myself to people I ran into.

So would an open office work for me? If I worked in one, what would I do? Would I just “bump into people” and introduce myself or start talking to them? How terrifying is that?

I think at first I … wouldn’t. I’d just keep my head down and keep walking. I’d have to make a lot of repeated eye contact or share a hello or see them doing something that I could talk to them about (maybe comment on their bicycle or car if saw them come in).

Then I might try to tag along with someone else who’s more social. I know I’ve said I’d try to be more open about my stuttering, but jumping into a large non-stuttering crowd (unlike the NSA Conference, say) is pretty scary.

The more I think about it, it seems that what might happen is … a quick conversation. Just as desired. But it’d move along quickly. And no introductions would happen. Then a few days later, something would be added. And then the stress would continue to mount. Because short conversations probably equal little to no stuttering, but as they continue, the desire to introduce myself would get stronger — and the inevitable question from them.

See how this stuttering works? Elaborate scenarios! Then just shutting it all down.

Filed Under: NSA Conference, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Stuttering and the Therapist

October 27, 2014 by

I had such a positive experience at the NSA Conference this past July that something occurred to me — I should try to be an SLP. The joke of course is, “when I grow up [and have life figured out].” Obviously it’s hard to make a wholesale career change after working for 15-20 years. But if I save up enough here in the Kingdom, I could conceivably pull it off when I return Stateside. (And no, I don’t know exactly when that’ll be … it’s … complicated. Anyway). Reading this post on Reddit also made me think about it pretty hard.

So what would it end up looking like — three years of going back to school? A year for some prerequisites and then two years of a master’s program? Let’s assume I can even get in someplace to begin with.

Here’s where being someone who stutters comes in to ruin the decision-making process: I often think about jobs that other people have and think, “there’s no way I could do that.” Which seems absurd in light of being an SLP.

(Note: if you’re fluent and think about jobs for yourself, what do you feel the limitations are? I have a feeling it’s more like, “I don’t think I’d like that.” But you know you could physically do it. That’s the difference. If you stutter, you start imagining all sorts of speaking scenarios…)

It’s not that absurd especially considering that there were a handful of SLPs at the NSA Conference who also stuttered. But my thing is — what about parents bringing in their children and seeing that me, the professional who knows about this stuff and who’s supposed to help, can’t even speak fluently? What about telling the patient that they’ve got to get out in public and interact with total strangers, stuttering-be-damned? Would I even be willing and able to do that? What if I have a bad stuttering day? Will that affect the patient? What if I have a bad stuttering day during a first-time meeting with a patient? Or a parent?

Is all this just in my head?

Yep.

Is it all hooey?

Yep.

Can I overcome all of this?

Yep.

But you see what being covert for so long does. What stuttering does. It gets into everything.

Aside: I’m not sure if it was a workshop or not, but I’d like to sit in on a discussion between SLPs who stutter and people who stutter who are considering it as a career. I know that the number would be really small, but hey, it’s worth a shot.

The thing is, outside of high school therapy, I didn’t go to any kind of therapy. So I’m just guessing on a lot of stuff. What I really need to do is reach out to some SLPs and find out what their educational experiences were like. And for those who stutter, how they told parents and patients about stuttering, its lack of cure and ways to see and/or measure improvement.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Advertising your Stuttering

October 24, 2014 by

Since stuttering got a lot of attention over the past few days thanks to International Stuttering Awareness Day, I thought I’d talk about … advertising.

Advertising your stutter, of course. When I went to the NSA Conference, this came up a lot. That we should advertise our stutter to listeners before we get rolling. It’ll take the edge off. It’ll inform them. It’ll make us more comfortable and maybe we’ll stutter less.

I’ve never advertised. I was really trying hard to think back and … no. I never prefaced a single conversation with this. That’s of course thanks to being covert for such a long time. However, now that I’m out about it a little more, I’m still not sure if advertising is something I’ll do. And why not? Well, easy — I know I’ll stutter on the word “stutter.” Yep. Fear of stuttering … when advertising … stuttering. I know it’s maybe the point — if a listener hears you stutter on “stutter,” then they might make the connection rather quickly. Right?

So how do people do this? When is it really worth it? I don’t remember hearing too many examples (if at all) during the conference of how people do this. Isn’t the question or conversation that you would like to ask/have going to be your basis for advertising? That is, if you have a quick question, are you going to preface it with a long, stuttering introduction of yourself?

(Stuttering) “Hi, I wanted to let you know that I stutter. But I don’t want it stop me from talking to people. Do you mind if I ask you for directions?”
Them: Yeah, sure.
(Stuttering) “Ok, well, can you please let me know where the Starbucks is around here? I’m supposed to meeting a friend.”
Them: It’s the next store over.
Me, not stuttering: Oh.

And with people at work, isn’t there a window of opportunity for this? I mean, if you don’t do it your first few days there, can you really pull it off two years later?

My inclination would be to advertise after I’m having a hard time speaking, not before. Like, I’d be in a work meeting with some new people and during the presentation, I’d have a really bad stutter. Then, what, make some off-handed remark about how I stutter and “sometimes it’s a little bad. But we’ll get through this.”

When I’ve been meeting people here in the Kingdom, I certainly haven’t told them that I stutter. My thinking is that they’re adults, and they’ll figure it out. And they won’t judge. None of them have. Am I just lucky with the people around me? Is my stutter not that bad anyway after I get my introduction out (or try to get it out?)

I’m just not sure about this advertising because of my recent decision to try to … say what I want more. I stutter more, yes, but I’m saying what I want. And just carrying on. And forcing people to sit and listen. The stuttering is advertising itself, right?

I think one of the shortcomings of just stuttering on through is that my listeners are still uneducated. I still get the occasional person trying to finish my words, people talking over me because they think I’m done … but then again, maybe some of this is just my own perception of things.

Anyway, sorry for the somewhat rambling post. I think the point of all this is that I’m not sure how to advertise, and I need to connect with people who are good at doing this. Either online over the next few months, or try to make a point of it during the NSA Conference next year in Chicago.

If you advertise your stutter regularly to listeners, I’d love to hear in the comments how you do it. If you can give actual conversational examples, that’d be awesome!

Filed Under: NSA Conference, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , ,
Next Page»