Oh, you’re listening?

April 11, 2016 by

I’ve noticed that what’s been happening at work over months and months of being here is that … people are listening. They’re not dismissive or nonchalant about chatting with me. They want to hear, they want to engage. And that’s been very encouraging. Even the ones who appear to be busy all the time — they’re taking time out to talk, to listen, and to think.

All of this is helping my stuttering out a lot. Am I still stuttering when I talk to them? Oh of course. But it’s bothering me less and less. I’m not focused on the stuttering, just on the message. Because the listener is focusing on the message.

I know this may not apply for everybody, but there are surely some people who, given enough time, will become someone who you gravitate toward.

Filed Under: Experiments, Stuttering on Lately, Work Tagged With: , , , ,

The big stuttering things are getting small

April 6, 2015 by

(Note: I haven’t forgotten about the link roundup! It haunts me every day. Also, the goal is to get 200 posts done by the end of April. I think I can make it pretty easily. The end of the month marks my one year blogging anniversary! Need to do a bunch of wrap-ups and whatever else …)

Today I want to reflect on how the big things are becoming little things. Well, how they can become little things. I said the other day that I met and talked with my cousin who stutters. Anyway, I got into the office a few days later and told someone about this. And then for whatever reason, I mentioned that like me, this cousin also stutters.

And holy crap, did I stutter like crazy on the word “stutter.” This of course always happens, and I sometimes enjoy the absurdity of this. The rest of the time it’s immensely annoying.

So I got past that, (we laughed about it) and I just began talking to someone at the office about my stuttering. And he listened. He remarked (I talk to this guy every day, several times a day) how he thought it was emotionally linked and that sometimes I seem to be ok, and sometimes I have a hard time. I set him straight on the emotional bit, and I said how it’s pretty random and thus frustrating. Also, “it’s complicated.”

What I also noticed is that our listeners tend to have a fixed attention span. You need to get your stuttering sob story out quickly (ha!) and then they’re like, well, ok, you’re not dying because of this, I can’t really relate, and I need to get back to work/thinking about lunch.

Obviously it’d be easier to connect with someone who already has a connection with someone who stutters (who’s maybe covert but noticeable to family members).

So for the second time in just a few short months at the new job, I’ve talked to coworkers about my stuttering. And it didn’t feel too weird. And I didn’t die. I didn’t lose my job. I didn’t get pulled aside by my boss who heard something from someone. Nothing. Life is going on.

Filed Under: Stuttering on Lately Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Afraid of speaking on the job. Before getting the job.

November 24, 2014 by

Going back to last week’s posts on jobs. In my second paragraph, I talked about well, fear. Fear of having to say something, having to present something.

As many people have said, fear cannot run your life. It’s definitely a lot more prevalent if you stutter, but it’s gotta be controlled.

If you see someone doing your dream job, and you see them (for just an hour, or a day, or a week) and they’re talking way more than you think you could, then you still need to ask more questions. What about all of the other time? What are they actually doing?

Being afraid of a job because you might have to do a presentation once a year is an irrational thought. It’s the same thinking that goes into why people buy bigger houses than they need — well, maybe someone might visit us once a year for a week. So we need that extra bedroom!

No you don’t.

Here’s a crazy thought. What if the person who you see doing your dream job is a covert stutterer? Or someone with other speech difficulties? Someone who worked a lot at speaking and then gained the confidence to present and carry on at work?

I’m not saying that you have to be covert to be successful. Of course not. But you can practice, practice, practice. You can get more comfortable with your coworkers. You can advertise to them that you stutter (on your own terms and on your own timeline) which may take some of the edge off.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
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