Burned in deeply

The next workshop that I went to was about genetics. But I’ll talk about that in a few days. First a quick story about something that happened at work.

I’ve been trying over the past year or two to really move on from being afraid of speaking due to my stutter. I’ve been stuttering more because I’ve been saying what I want to say instead of what I can say fluently.

But as those of you who stutter know, it’s very, very hard to change if you’ve been covert for so long. Those feelings of anxiety become automatic.

The other day someone from another office came to visit. He sat down right in front of me, and he knew others in our little work space. And even though I didn’t have to worry about who he was or him “taking my job” or anything like that, I was still nervous about the introduction. I was thinking about it way too much. What’s even worse is that I didn’t even have to say my name — I knew that one of the other guys would introduce me. I would hardly have to say anything either other than hello.

But still. It’s burned in very deeply. The anxiety. The reactions. The feelings.

I know that it will take time and many more interactions to break. And I’m looking forward to that day when I don’t have to think about it. But I’m not there yet.

I think this is important for anybody looking to go to therapy. You can feel some change after a month, maybe, a quarter, maybe, six months, maybe, a year, maybe. But don’t think it’ll be a big change. It doesn’t have to be. As long as it’s a step forward.

Comments

  1. We have been trained by our anxiety over many years to interfere in the natural speech process. Most speech therapy tries to interfere as well just in a different way. What we have to do is remind our brains how to breathe and speak effortlessly as nature intended. Natural speech does include hesitations, repetitions and prolongations. Learn to embrace them rather than trying to duck and dive around them. Checkout my webpage http://www.stutterfreesteve.weebly.com

  2. I know how you feel, the anxiety builds up as the interaction gets nearer. It peaks when you do end up stuttering at the first words and you just feel like the other person is negatively judging you. Ive been actively disciplining myself to expose my stutter to break though this anxiety, just like you. What really broke me through is when a friend who has a lisp said he feels the same way. What i realised is that when you are on the receiving end, and someone has a lisp, you do not care. And your opinion of them does not change because of the lisp. I believe the same is true with a stutter. So all of us stutterers must be over reacting. Opinions are based on what you say. Not how you say it. Hope I helped and good luck with breaking through the anxiety.

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